You've seen them. The lists of questions asked of random celebrities, average Joes and working moms that are displayed in commercials, magazines and on television. Sometimes the subjects even fill out the forms themselves (with a pen!), and we're supposed to feel grateful to feel so close to them. All I feel is depressed. Our culture is obsessed with dreaming up series of questions in service of "getting to know" the people who populate the world around us. But are we really getting closer, or are we just distancing ourselves?
Honestly, I, too, love reading the answers to these questions, to knowing how Beyonce would finish the phrase "most unusual gift..." (the answer, if you must know, is "rhinestone studded pedicure spacers"). Ugh. But part of me is definitely annoyed by these "lists;" as if by filling in some arbitrary Mad Libs concocted by American Express or Nike or mass email, we can really find connection. Take for example, the eight questions from Real Simple magazine's "real life: meet a Real Simple reader." I would love to know the answers to these questions from my friends and family. Really. But what I would really like would be to sit down with my friend or family member and have a conversation with them in which the answers to these questions were made clear at least semi-organically. Why does our culture crave the filled-in blank? And why are THESE the questions "everyone" wants to know? I'm intrigued and yet perplexed.
Okay, so, because you are dying to know, here are Real Simple's questions this month.
1. What are you really good at?
2. If you could change places with anyone, living or dead, for one day, who would it be?
3. Would you rather be a little smarter, or a little sexier? (Jeez...)
4. The best decision I ever made was...
5. What was your mother right about?
6. What are you most proud of?
7. Something on my mind lately is...
8. Before I die, I'd like to...
And here are my top 5 questions I'd like to start asking all of you to fill out (and I wouldn't mind asking Beyonce, really):
1. What are you really bad at?
2. How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth at one time?
3. What was the last dream you can remember?
4. Why do people insist on making shadow puppets on a white screen?
5. Are my ears a normal size for my height?
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In solidarity against the oppressive monolith of 'the dreaded questionnaire,' I will honor the integrity, timeliness and relevance of Shelly's 5-question questionnaire by posting my answers to them. And as a tribute (and contribution?) to her self-professed "intrigue" and "perplexity" at our cultural obsession with blank-filling, I will attempt a one-word answer to each.
1. THIS
2. THIRTY*
3. YESTERDAY
4. UNORIGINALITY
5. INDUBITABLY
:)
* Truth be told, it's 27 (of the big ones, mind you), but I rounded up to keep with the desired effect of consistency.
Thanks for your solidarity, Franklin! :)
1. Drawing
2. All of them
3. Shooting a gun
4. It's cheap fun
5. Your ears are fine.
1. reading a woman's mind
2. I did poorly at the "chubby bunny" game so I never got a good, accurate count. [see next question]
3. eating a giant marshmellow only to awaken to a missing pillow
4. because if they use a black background they'd have to sit down so we could watch the blinkin' movie
5. it's much troubling for us to wonder if our size matches our ears...you're one of few who's ok on both counts...
1. finishing my thesis
2. never tried marshmellows but 5 martinis fit in my stomach
3. Phil's parents staying in Thailand 225 days longer than planned.
4. 'Cause emptiness is scary
5. I measured them once while you slept but can't remember now...
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